We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Recently I was describing my spiritual journey to a friend. “I just feel so happy,” I said. And she replied that the point of life is not to be happy.

I pondered that for a while. I am still pondering it.

The point of life is, indeed, not to merely be happy. But “happy” is such a shallow word anyway.

“Happy” is just one small component of one’s emotional and mental state.

I can feel happy, energized, proud, pleased, and satisfied after a workout.

I can feel happy, connected, pampered and nurtured while having chocolate with a friend.

I can feel balanced, calmed, happy, and peaceful after meditation.

I can feel anticipation, happiness, excitement, and comfort in finally sitting down to see a long-awaited movie.

Saying I feel “happy” is a shortcut which cuts a lot of the nuance out of things. It streamlines our communication.

(I hesitate to even bring the word “joy” into the conversation. Ask any person raised in conservative Christianity or the Quiverfull lifestyle and they will be able to rattle off that:

You can be joyful without being happy

and

“JOY” stands for “Jesus, Others, then You”

…and then, if they are me, they’ll go into a trigger-induced meltdown about how they believed that if they were still physically able, then they were obligated to sacrifice for others–to the point they were volunteering at church as a Special Needs Buddy while working not one but three caregiving jobs and feeling angry that the church was pushing volunteer work in the community because THEY JUST COULDN’T GIVE ANY MORE.

So let’s put the word “joy” in a pretty box and shelve it for a while, shall we?)

I have tried to sort through my emotions and feelings in this last year, as I have experienced so many swirling through me at the same time.

I bought a car and felt safe, proud, relieved, and virtuous (as it was worlds more efficient than my old car).

I went to the gym and felt aligned, healthy, clear-headed, drained of negative emotions, and invigorated.

I went to an alternative practitioner and felt guided, affirmed, light, peaceful, and content.

During stressful weeks I felt tense, dense, rushed, grumpy, sad, angry, and like a failure. At the same time I usually felt like a warrior still standing as the battle subsided and the enemy pulled back to regroup. I felt like wresting triumph from the clutches of negativity.

I don’t think that “happy”, the emotion you feel when you get a sugar rush on a Butterfinger, is worth chasing after. It fades. It’s entirely based on external agents. And really, it’s not the sort of happy you’re likely to remember for very long.

But “happy”, as a shortcut for everything else that is too complicated to explain in a short conversation, is the meaning of life.

I’m happy. I feel aligned with the principles I hold and know that I am aligning with principles I want to uphold.

I’m happy. I have spent my time doing something worthwhile, whether anyone else knows it or not. I have contributed in some way to building a better world for myself. Creating art or engaging in philanthropy, it’s all the same.

I’m happy. I am not stewing in negative emotions. I am either removed from negativity or I choose to focus on positivity. I see reality but do not allow reality to affect me negatively.

I’m happy. I am investing in things which last: connections with others or ways to boost my ability to maintain those connections. Tea with friends and time alone both count.

I am happy. I am at peace. I am content. I give and receive love. I follow my heart, using my mind as a compass.

I am happy. It is all, and it is enough.